Breaking Free: How Journaling Shattered My Mental Prisons

You know that feeling when you're stuck, like really stuck, in your own head? Yeah, that was me. For years, I felt like I was trapped in a maze of my own thoughts, unable to find the exit. But here's the kicker - I didn't even realize I was trapped until I started journaling. Weird, right? How we can be so oblivious to our own mental prisons.

Let me break it down for you. There were four major mind-traps I was caught in, and journaling became my get-out-of-jail-free card. Buckle up, because this might get a little raw.

Prison #1: The Resentment Stronghold

First up, resentment. Oh boy, was I holding onto some stuff, especially towards my mom. You see, my mom has Alzheimer's now, which means we can't exactly sit down and hash things out over a cup of coffee anymore. All those unresolved issues? They were eating me up inside.

Enter journaling. It was like having a conversation with myself, but on paper. I could rant, rave, cry, whatever I needed to do. And slowly, I started to process all that pent-up hurt. It wasn't easy, and it sure as hell wasn't pretty, but it was necessary.

Here's the thing about resentment - it's like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. Through journaling, I learned to let go, not for my mom's sake, but for my own. It was like lifting a weight off my chest that I didn't even know was there.

Prison #2: The Value Misalignment Maze

Next up, we've got the classic "I've done everything right, so why do I feel so wrong?" conundrum. On paper, my life looked great. I was ticking all the boxes, achieving goals left and right. But inside? I felt hollow.

Journaling helped me dig deep and uncover my core values. And boy, was that a wake-up call. Turns out, I was living a life that looked good to others but felt all wrong to me. My actions were totally out of whack with what I truly believed in and cared about.

This realization was both terrifying and liberating. It meant I had to make some big changes, but it also meant I finally understood why I felt so unfulfilled. It wasn't that I wasn't doing enough; I was doing all the wrong things for me.

Prison #3: The Narcissist Attraction Loop

Now, this one's a doozy. Ever feel like you're a magnet for difficult people? Yeah, me too. Through journaling, I started to see a pattern - I kept attracting narcissistic personalities into my life. And the reason? It all traced back to some intense spiritual control and abuse that I experienced in the church I grew up in.

This early experience had warped my self-image. I had internalized the belief that I was always the problem, that feeling shame was normal. It was like I had a big neon sign over my head saying "Hey, narcissists! Fresh meat over here!"

Recognizing this pattern was crucial. It allowed me to start setting boundaries, to question my automatic assumption that I was always at fault. It was the first step in breaking a cycle that had been running my life for years and I didn’t even know it.

Prison #4: The Wounded Inner Child Cell

Last but definitely not least, we've got the inner child issue. Before I started journaling, I didn't even know I had an inner child, let alone that she needed healing. But as I wrote, I began to see how so many of my current insecurities and hang-ups were actually rooted in childhood experiences.

My inner child had learned to adapt to trauma in ways that no longer served adult me. She was still in there, influencing my reactions, my fears, my self-doubt. Journaling became a way to communicate with her, to reassure her, to give her the love and understanding she had been craving for so long.

This process of inner child healing has been profound. It's like finding a missing piece of myself that I didn't even know was lost.

The Journey Continues

Here's the truth - breaking out of these mental prisons wasn't a one-and-done deal. It's an ongoing process, and journaling continues to be my trusted tool. Some days, I still feel the walls closing in. But now, I know how to recognize it, and I know what to do about it.

If you're feeling stuck, trapped, or just not quite right, I can't recommend journaling enough. It's not always easy, and sometimes what comes out on the page might surprise or even scare you. But it's real, it's you, and it's the first step towards freedom.

Remember, your mental prisons weren't built in a day, and they won't be torn down in a day either. Be patient with yourself. Be kind to yourself. And keep writing. You never know what chains you might break in the process.