Beyond the Façade: The Realities of Alzheimer's Caregiving
Hey there, it's me again. Let's have a heart-to-heart about something that's been on my mind lately: the realities of Alzheimer's caregiving and how others perceives us.
You know those picture-perfect Instagram posts of caregivers smiling alongside their loved ones? You’ve probably even seen some of me and my mom… yeah well those posts aren’t the whole story and if you’re a caregiver too, then you probably can assume that already. Don't get me wrong, there are beautiful moments in this journey, but there's so much more going on behind the scenes.
Recently, I saw a fellow caregiver open up about her struggles online. The response she got? A barrage of comments telling her to "just put her husband in a home." It got me thinking about how little people understand about what we do, the complex emotions you feel, and how quick they are to judge.
Here's the truth: Alzheimer's caregiving is a rollercoaster. It’s WILD and will leave you feeling breathless at times. There are highs, lows, and everything in between. Some days, I feel like a superhero. Other days, I'm barely holding it together and feel like I’m not sure how much more I can take. And you know what? That's okay.
We need to talk about the not-so-pretty parts of caregiving:
The exhaustion that seeps into your bones
The grief of watching your loved one slowly slip away
The moments where you are being beat on by the person you’re caring for
The frustration when things don't go as planned (which is often)
The dark thoughts you have when depression sinks in
The guilt when you just want a break or have an unkind thought about your loved one
These feelings don't make us bad caregivers. They make us human.
But one of the things that keeps so many caregivers suffering in silence is if when we express these feelings, we're met with judgment. "If it's so hard, why don't you just put them in a home?" As if it's that simple. As if we haven't considered all our options. As if love and commitment disappear the moment things get tough (because if that was the case none of us would be in relationship with anyone!).
Let me be clear: choosing to be a caregiver doesn't mean we enjoy every moment. In some cases, we may not enjoy any of it. It doesn't mean we're saints or even that we’re martyrs. It means we're doing our best in an incredibly challenging situation that we didn’t ask for, and we’re doing it for people who may not even want our help.
So…. to those quick to judge: remember, you're only seeing snippets of our lives. Social media posts don’t give you a clear look into the full scope of our experience or into our hearts for that matter. That frustrated post you see? It might be the first time that caregiver has vented in months. That moment of them falling apart? It's sandwiched between countless moments of strength, love, and hopefully some giggles.
So, the next time you see a caregiver being honest about their struggles, pause before you offer advice. In fact, maybe just hold the advice all together. Consider that maybe, just maybe, what they need isn't a solution, but understanding. A listening ear. A virtual hug.
To my fellow caregivers: your feelings are valid. ALL OF THEM. The love, the frustration, the joy, the exhaustion, the celebration, and the resentment. You're doing an incredible job, even when it doesn't feel like it.