The Warning Signs I Missed: My Mom's Early Onset Alzheimer's Diagnosis

When you're an only child to a single parent, your bond with them can be unbreakable. For me, my mom was my everything. But our lives were turned upside down when she was diagnosed with early onset Alzheimer's disease. I wanted to take a moment to share my honest account of the signs I noticed, the ones I missed, and the emotional rollercoaster of being a millenial caregiver.

The Blurred Line Between Aging and Alzheimer's

It's a cruel joke, really. The signs of early onset Alzheimer's can be so easily mistaken for normal aging. When my mom started forgetting things and acting a bit off in her late 50s, I brushed it off. I thought, "Hey, she's just getting older. It happens to everyone, right?"

For example, my mom became increasingly suspicious of others. People at work, at church, her friends. She was constantly consumed with feeling like people were talking about her behind her back, or that people didn’t like her, even that I didn’t love her anymore. It was extremely frustrating and caused a lot of tension in our relationship because I didn’t understand, I took things personally, and she was 100% believing that everything she thought was very very real. It all was very confusing for both of us and neither one of us knew how to function in our relationship for the first time.

But as time went on, I couldn't shake the feeling that something was seriously wrong. The changes in her behavior and memory weren't just a part of getting older. They were signs of something bigger.

The Red Flags I Couldn't Ignore

There were moments when I couldn't deny the reality of the situation anymore. The signs that finally pushed me to get my mom help included:

1. Memory loss that disrupted daily life: She was having moments where she didn’t recognize where she was driving, even if it was a route she had driven every day for 20 years. She was forgetting and beginning to be afraid of driving.

2. Trouble with familiar tasks and problem-solving: I noticed that things she had always done started to bear a heavier weight on here decision making abilities, like doing her own taxes. The year I got her tested she lost her tax information at least a dozen times and would forget each time if she completed them or not. That was not at all like her! She was always ontop of things like that, so I definitely knew something was very wrong.

3. She was arriving late to work and falling asleep at work: My mom was a sewer for 30 years at the same company and timed everything precisely to get to work on time and I can only remember a handful of times that she stayed home sick. Her tardiness and inability to get adequate sleep before work were big signs for me.

4. She let me know that someone she worked with had asked what my name was and she couldn’t remember, so she made something up. When she told me this so was just sobbing. Saying how terrible a mother she was for forgetting her own child’s name. It was heartbreaking and so shocking for me as well!

5. Mood swings and personality changes: My mom was a kind momma, generous with the little she had, always thinking of others, and pretty patient too. All of that was changing… drastically… AND quickly! The level of fear and anxiety my mom was experiencing was not normal for her. It was crippling.

These were the gut-wrenching moments that made me realize I couldn't ignore the problem any longer. I had to fight for my mom and get her the help she needed.

The Signs I Kick Myself for Missing

Hindsight is a real kick in the teeth. Looking back, there were so many subtle signs of my mom's cognitive decline that I completely overlooked:

1. Her apartment was becoming more chaotic with clutter: My mom was always a thrifter and antiquer, and anyone who grew up with a parent like that, knows that that can lend to some clutter! However, my mom’s clutter was squeezing out room to just live in her apartment. Again, I misunderstood this, and I later found a journal entry written by my mom talking about how whenever I would come over I would comment to the disarray, and how she felt embarrassed that she was so messy…. reading that hurt my heart and made me wish I had been more understanding or asked more questions.

2. She opted not to be with me the morning my Dad passed away from prostate cancer. She decided to go to church instead, when the rest of our family came to be with me at home while I mourned. That was a big break in our relationship. A hurt that took me years to heal from and that I still struggle with. I just didn’t expect that to be my mom’s response and it hurt me deep. Not responding in the empathetic, motherly way that I had always known her to respond, became a new part of our relationship that in hindsight was a symptom of the cognitive decline.

4. Difficulty following conversations - both hers and mine: Our phone conversations began to be really hard to get through. She was very chaotic in the topics she’d jump to, she wouldn’t ask anything about me at all (this went on for a couple years), and nothing I would say could keep her attention. She also would get so mad at me that I wasn’t understanding what she was saying.

I still have moments where I beat myself up for not recognizing these signs sooner. But the truth is, when you're in the thick of it, it's not always easy to see the big picture.

A Plea for Awareness and Action

If there's one thing I want you to take away from my story, it's this: if you notice changes in your loved one's behavior, memory, or cognitive function that set off alarm bells, don't wait. Don't brush it off. Get help.

Early diagnosis can make a world of difference. It opens up treatment options, support services, and the chance to plan for the future. As a young caregiver, I know firsthand how isolating and overwhelming it can be. But you don't have to go through this alone.

If my story hits home for you, if you see the signs I've described in your own loved one, please don't hesitate. Trust your gut, fight for your family, and know that early intervention can change lives.

Being a caregiver for a parent with early onset Alzheimer's is a unique kind of heartbreak. But by sharing our stories, by raising awareness, and by taking action, we can make a difference for the ones we love and for the countless others facing this devastating disease.