I Can't Do This Alone: Why Every Caregiver Needs a Freakin’ Village

When you're caring for someone with Alzheimer's or dementia, it's easy to feel like you're on a solo mission from hell. You're juggling doctor's appointments, managing medications, and trying to keep your loved one safe and happy, all while watching them slowly slip away. It's a 24/7 job that can leave you feeling isolated, exhausted, and ready to scream.

But here's the thing: you don't have to do this alone. In fact, you absolutely shouldn't. Caregiving is hard enough without trying to be a one-person show. You need a support system, a village of people who get what you're going through and can offer a shoulder to cry on, a listening ear, or just a well-timed "screw Alzheimer's" when you need it most.

The thing is, finding your village isn't always easy. It's not like there's a Tinder for caregivers where you can swipe right on the perfect support group. Trust me, I've tried the traditional route. I joined a few support groups through the Alzheimer's Association, hoping to find my people. But each group I tried just didn't quite fit. They were all so dang depressing, which I get - this disease is a nightmare. But I needed more than just a pity party. I needed a balance of reality and motivation, a space where I could vent about the hard stuff but also celebrate the small victories and find the humor in the chaos.

As a caregiver who started in my thirties, I found it particularly challenging to connect with support groups where most participants were in their 60s or older, caring for much older adults. The generational differences created a barrier, and I often felt like an outsider. People would treat me like "She's young, she'll learn," instead of genuinely engaging with me. It was pretty lonely, which was super confusing, because I thought that defeated the purpose of being in a support group. I thought “am I the problem here?”

Moreover, caring for someone with young onset Alzheimer's is a whole different ballgame compared to traditional Alzheimer's. The challenges and emotions are unique (in my opinion), and I struggled to find people who could relate to my specific situation.

So, I took my search online and stumbled into the wild world of caregiver social media. And man, it was a game-changer! I found Facebook groups, Instagram and TikTok accounts, filled with caregivers who were going through the same things I was. They were sharing their stories, offering advice, and making me laugh until I peed a little (which isn’t hard to do), and suddenly I didn't feel so alone anymore. I had found my people, my village of caregivers who understood the unique experience of Alzheimer's and how we need to be transparent about how we’re feeling about it in order to keep our sanity.

Instagram became my lifeline, a way to fill the support-sized hole in my life. I connected with caregivers around my age, as well as open-minded older folks who were ready to share and support instead of shame. These virtual connections craved the same balance I did - a space to vent, find hope, and work towards healing.

The more I opened up about my feelings, the more people responded with a resounding "ME TOO!" It was like a revelation: By being transparent about the tough realities and complex emotions of this journey, I found a community ready to dismantle the shame and embarrassment that often comes with caregiving.

The beauty of finding your support system is that there's no one-size-fits-all approach. Maybe your village is your family and friends who step up to help out. Maybe it's a local caregiver meetup group or an online forum. Maybe it's a therapist who specializes in caregiver stress. The point is, you gotta start somewhere. Reach out, share your story, and be open to connecting with others who get it.

And yeah, it might feel awkward or scary at first. Vulnerability hangovers are real, my friends (which is why you’ll see me go MIA every so often on my own social media accounts - gotta reset!). But trust me, it's so worth it. Because when you have a village of people who understand what you're going through, who can offer support and encouragement and the occasional inappropriately timed joke, caregiving feels a little less lonely and a lot more doable.

So, to all my fellow Alzheimer's and dementia caregivers out there: don't try to be a hero! You need a freakin’ village, and there's no shame in that. Reach out, connect, and lean on the people who get it (even if they’re strangers on the internet!). Together, we can face this storm with a little more strength, a little more humor, and a lot more hope.